Carried by self esteem and arrogance I quickly found new and very different and most distinguished ways of children painting. As it was announced that there will be a great city wide competition and that one will be chosen from my school, my paintings were chosen as the truly best by our innocent teacher, who would not have chosen me if she knew my ambition. Then soon it was told that a great jury of experts and the best artists will congregate and was formed to choose of all the best works from each school in town to finally find out who is the best in the big city again with devilish consequence of leading me to self glorification when my works were chosen to take the first place. The worst experience was that I was invited to be introduced to the huge exhibition of all works. As special guest of honor I was led through long halls that were all over with paintings just pinned on the walls and sometimes stopped at one or the other to pretended my interest and appreciation while the whole group waited silently and listened to my judgement. At the end of the halls and corridors filled with the stupid innumerable paintings we were led to a special hall with nothing on the wall but a very old huge golden vitrine of the emperor times and there under the class resting on some velvet pillow like underneath was my own to me so empty and idiotic urban landscape painting. It was and was obviously meant to be a positive small celebration by the institution as a kind coronation of myself as an artist. But now I must ask the kind reader to forgive the shameless description, believing me that I now told it because I truly feel the consequence it caused and as well I should explain that I deeply and almost prophetically felt already then in that very moment of the celebratory experience as if it was a kind of dangerous spiritual coronation of myself not as a great artist but more so as a devilish schemed coronation of not artistic talents but of the developing evils deep in myself effective for the rest of my life — as something of an experience that I want to give so much and entirely, to be revoked and to be cleansed of as much as could be possible.

— Joseph Strau, excerpted from TEARS AND NEW TEARS